The Adventures of Toon Butt
by shawpaw12
Summary: A crack fic where I insert an OC of mine into the Windwaker world and act Mary Sue-ish for a bit. Started this when I was 13, probably going to edit it maybe never. Warning, first 6 chapters are shit.
1. chappie 1 redux

The adventures of Toon Butt

I got home from school and sat down on the couch completely exhausted. "why does every man i meet want to go out with me?" says me 18 year-old Kat. i thought to myself 'wait a crappy second of my life, oh yeah link isn't home he-he' i fell back onto the couch and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

I awoke to find myself on what felt like the ground with the distinct sound of Outset Island in the background. I opened my eyes to see toon link standing in front of me asking if I was alright. 'Shiiiiiit I knew this would happen sooner or later, I guess that's what happens when you curse a sorcerer' then I yelled "holy crap I'm 12"

I looked around seeing everything as it should be in outset which made me realize ooh now I get to wreck stuff. I got up and said to Tl (toon link)

"Hi I'm ummm Kat how are you link?" oops "I'm fine and how do you know my name?"

Then I murmured "Bolivar dingbat that's why" "what!!!?" "Nothing, nothing at all"

Then I saw that the crappy sword and tunic that he had obtained on his body, then i thought of the pleasure i would have to run that sword through his stomach, but then of course the little brat snapped me back into reality. "Hey are you ok? You had a pretty nasty fall

"I slapped him and yelled "don't you have anything better to do?" then he remembered his mission and ran off, and that's when I realized I still had my backpack on (later reference). Then I ran after him towards the forest.

A\N: so what do you think? I know it's not very good this is my first fan fic so I might continue if I get at least 5 reviews flames welcome (I really want one) and I want to know what I can improve please. (^.^) edit: I've changed this chappie cause it bothered me so you see somehow Kat is actually from oot and lives with link so she's 18 then she get's transported to ww and turns twelve. He-he ^w^ but right now I'm working on my newest chapter and I'm going to remake chapter 2 also and maybe chappie 3.


	2. chappie 2 redux

The adventures of Toon Butt

Chapter too: Bolivar dingbat

"Toon butt wait" I yelled with a grumpy expression on my face.

"Wait what did you just call me?" "Toon butt" "why" "because I felt like it"

I still followed him which seemed to get on his nerves… a lot. He ran into the forest and had a repulsed look on his face when he saw the bokoboblin fall from the sky, probably because it wasn't wearing pants, or underwear.

I got my awesome magic pencil out from my backpack and started to draw a thong on the bokoboblin, which probably made it worse because it didn't do him justice at all. I nudged Tl forward with my toe, and he just knocked the damned thing out.

I grabbed the sword and chopped its head off. "You stupid idiot if you don't kill 'em they'll come after you in the long run and kill you!!!" I screamed at Tl. He walked on and reluctantly killed the rest of the now thong crazed bokoboblins.

When we finally got to tetra I laser beamed her down with the laser I always keep in my pocket. Suddenly Tl yelled "why are you following me?!" and I replied calmly "cause I gots nufincks better to do"

When I realized tetra had put the fire I had no idea about off her but I screamed at her "I HATE YOU, YOU BITCH!!!!"

**A/N now I know I said to wait for 5 reviews but I just had to write this cause I don't like waiting. And I don't know if I have anyone reading or not so it doesn't really matter. Oh and the Bolivar dingbat thing will be explained later… maybe. Edit: yay redux the third chappie will not be reduxed. I am working on chappie 4 as we speak. **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter tree: I hate muffins

Tetra yelled at me asking me why and I just stood there with and expressionless glare my eyes open wide just staring no emotion. Tetra's eyes started to twitch like it was disturbing her and yelled "oh my fucking gawd!!!!" tl got up and waved his hand in front of me with a questioning look on his face.

Suddenly I came too and yelled 'oh my god it almost touched me, and I don't even like muffins!" tl stumbled back and Tetra fell over.

Just then gonzo appeared out of nowhere screaming his head off about something that sounded like cheese puff. I picked up a stick and threw it at him almost impaling him through the neck.

Then Tetra walked away grumbling something about blood and rape (wtf I don't know). Tl and I ran after her and I knew that I had to save Aryl because I liked her.

We got to the bridge and there was Aryl waving at Toon butt I ran to the bridge and pushed Aryl to the ground safe on the other side and the bird picked me up instead of her. I thought about fat old Ganondorf and about me being the only one with b00bs in this place. My eyes got wide and I screamed at the top of my lungs "RRRAAAAAPPPPEEE!!!!!"

I then bit helmarock king with my razor sharp teeth (that's what you get when you chew on wood ya know) and the birds now bloody foot let go of me 500 ft. in the air, and I fell on top of a house, turned back and grabbed Aryl. I screamed 'nooooo!!! Why her why not me?"

Then toon butt tried to commit suicide and tetra grabbed him before he broke his neck on a sharp pointy rock below. Thankfully I was on the house with the attic hole on the roof. I slid in robbed the place and went outside. When I came out tetra was talking to toon butt about coming on her ship. And then quill landed on her head and perched there while telling his speech.

**A/N sorry I cut it there but I couldn't think of what to do after that and it's late and I'm tired. Thanks to i-wish-a7x for telling me that if I didn't do a not half assed job she would tear my head off it was the motivation I needed. (^-^)**


	4. Chapter 4

Adventures of Toonbutt: chapter door- you really piss him off and that makes me happy

Tetra didn't realize that quill was on her head until he stopped speaking. And yelled "get off my head or I'll rip _your_ head off" I pointed to Toonbutt's head and quill landed there and then I spoke "you do know tetra that if you don't let this kid on your boat I'll rape you, don't think I won't , 'cause I will and it will hurt, like hell," Tetra just looked hilarious all scared and everything I started laughing and then looked serious and said "no really" Tetra just backed up and just squeaked out "kay"

Suddenly Tl squealed and shrieked "I GET TO GO!!!" I grabbed at my ears and then kicked Tl in the groin yelling "those were my ears bitch!!!" (btw if Kat ever pulls up her hair where human ears would be her ears aren't there she has cat ears so they're at the top of her head so umm yeah hehe but she hides them)

I said to Tl "So dip shit you got any ideas where a shield might be, I already know but I'll let you figure it out, see if you have any brains," "I do" "orly?" "Um… yeah" so I followed him. I grabbed some yaoi from my backpack, Tl hung back a little back to see what I was reading I covered his eyes but it was too late. He gave me a look that said 'what kind of sick person are you?' I slapped the back of his head.

He took the lead again, and we walked inside his house. He went up the ladder and I yelled "down here dip shit!" And then out of nowhere his grandma appears and glares at me, so therefore I yell "HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT!!!!"

_**~TOONBUTT'S POV~**_

_I hop down off the landing because I thought Kat was in trouble but all I saw was that she and grandma were having a death glare match. Why do I even care about Kat, well she is kinda pretty *mental slap* no dude she's like two years older than you and she seems to hate you. Then why do I feel so attracted to her???_

**A/N: hello peoples sorry it took so long reason 1: I didn't like chapter 1 & 2. Reason2: my comp crashed from viruses. reason3: I'm now using my bro's comp and can only use it Tuesdays and Thursdays. Now I would like to say that I am tone deaf when it comes to singing along with the music on my brother's IPod and that I hate my math class. **


	5. Chapter 5

The Adventures of Toon Butt

Chapter 5: your mum

Kat grabbed the shield from Toon Butt's granny and smiled triumphantly "Alright my work is done in this house, let's go" Kat walked out and Tl followed. "Do you not like my grandma or something?" "Mm no she just popped out of nowhere and scared the shit outta me, I'd say it's a mild dislike"

Tl nodded and ogled something, Kat couldn't tell what it was but she was sure it was some part of her body. Her face reddened and she looked at him "what the hell you starein' at?" Tl blushed and looked away. Kat wore a look of disgust "you perv!!!"

Kat started to sing to Tl "life's gonna suck when you grow up when you grow up, life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now!!!" Tl's face just darkened. Kat smirked "and I would know, I'm really 18" Tl looked up "what?!" Kat looked grumpy and yelled "YOUR MUM!!!" "My mom is dead" "well so is mine! Join the club!!!"

Kat looked sad after that. Tl looked concerned "what's wrong?" "Home sick" "Who did you live with?" "4 dudes... Link, Dark, Ganondorf... well I call him mama and Vatti" "why'd you live with 4 _guys?_" "I like to mess with their brains a little" Tl looked worried "oh" "hey; you wanna know what I really look like?" "Um sure" Kat closed her eyes and grew to be about 5'9; her light brown hair grew to her mid back and well…. Let's just say and A became a DDD (eheheh Kat is kinda busty)

Tl just stood there speechless "what?" "Um" "what?!" "Uh" Blood started to drip out of Tl's nose, Kat cringed "YOU LITTLE PERV!!!" She became normal and slapped him. "You're not as innocent as you look" Kat gracefully walked off towards the ship, Tl followed and Kat tossed him the shield. He clumsily caught it. Tl ran to catch up with her "wait! You said that you lived with a guy named Link!"

"Yes" "well you know…." "Oh" Kat pulled a picture out of her back-pack, it was a picture of her and the rest of her 'family' she pointed to Link in the picture "this, is Link" she pointed to Dark "this, is Dark" she put the picture away. "That other Link guy looked a lot like me" "well he probably would" she said as they walked up to Tetra.

Tetra looked grumpy "you think that little scrap of wood is a shield" Kat replied "no, but it's the best we got" Tetra nodded and sighed "fine get on, but this is a pirate ship not a day care so I don't wanna see any crying when you leave your family. And when you get on there's- " "No going back. Blah, blah, blah" Tetra glared at Kat.

"Just get on!" Kat and Tl got on the ship as well as Tetra and the rest of the crew that was off board. The ship started to leave and Kat watched Tl wave to the island trying not to cry. Her heart felt a pang in it, could this be… empathy? Kat shook her head 'no I must not feel this emotion, it always gets me hurt'

She walked below deck to see Nikko "Hi Nikko" She stepped on this switch to see the platforms raise; she got through it in lees than a minute. Nikko just gaped "how did you-?" "Days of practice my friend" Tl walked in, Kat jumped from the finish point all the way to 3 cm. in front of Tl, their noses almost touching.

"Now, I will go across again and you will follow my lead ne?" Tl was blushing, he nodded and followed Kat. It took him 20 tries but he finally got it. Nikko gave him the spoils bag, Kat yoinked it and put it in her back-pack. "Hey I was gonna hold that" Tl complained. "Well too bad cause I'm gonna keep it with me"

**AN: whelp imma gonna end it right there cause I have to remember things and other crap. Sorry it took so long, I've been spending most of my time role playing with my friends on DA. God school is making my brain go wee! Inside my head. I also am not looking forward to Christmas cause my dad isn't alive to celebrate it. When I was trying to figure out what to write for this I was like FFFF! I still haven't even fully addressed and introduced Kat yet!!! And then I was like they don't even know what Kat looks like do they? TT3TT I haven't been nice to you guys!!! **


	6. Chapter 6

The Adventures of Toonbutt

Chapter twix: Crazy Fat Pedophile

A banshee call was heard from above deck "Get up here!" "Great we're here" Kat grumbled. She dragged Tl above deck to be faced with the scariest place in the world (coughnotreallycough)

The Forsaken Fortress (cue evil music) Kat just stood there and stared at it, she then mumbled "He never did have great taste" Tl looked up at her "who?" She waved her hand "It's nothing, really. Just...thinking" It was obvious she was spacing out. Tl shrugged and climbed up to where Tetra was while Kat waited at the bottom.

Suddenly Tl fell from the roosts nest and on top of Kat, he yelled "YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT!" Kat felt broken beneath him "eh… can you get off of me?" Tl looked down at her "oh...Sorry" he got off from the top of her and offered his hand. She didn't take it and stood up, her face looked pained "dude I think you broke a rib" "but I feel fine" "me you idiot! I think you broke my rib!" "Oh crap! Really?"

She stands and traces a hand over her ribs "no...But I'm still gonna hurt you" she punches him square in the jaw. He stumbles and grips at his jaw; there was blood at the corner of his mouth. "What the cheese nuts?" "Cheese nuts?" Tl looked incredulous "you haven't heard of cheese nuts?" Kat's eyes widen "I-I have…it's just, eheheh do you even know what the original is meaning was?" Tl gave her a questioning look before being dragged away by tetra (who looked ever so grumpy) "come on kid, you can get back to your girlfriend later"

Irritation flashed through Kat's eyes while Tl struggled but just stared amazed at Kat. 'She's not denying it? D-does that mean she's going to be m-my girlfriend? *insert squeee here*' Tl looked ever so happy and ogled at Kat who was following behind.

The ever so kind pirates *insert sarcasm here* loaded Kat and Tl into a barrel. Kat was in an uncomfortable position, no matter how she shifted, her boobs always pressed up against an ever so joyful Toon Butt. "If you touch me in any way that makes me uncomfortable I swear, I will not hesitate to kill you when I get out of this barrel" Kat never looked more serious in her life.

TL :(O,O)

Kat: yeah, just...try not to touch me, personal space issues when it comes to retards in green tunics.

Tl looked hurt and shifted his gaze up to the top of the barrel. "Tetra I really don't want to do this!" Tetra yelled back at him "yeah well I don't really care!" Kat smirked up at her "do I smell a hint of…jealousy?" The smirk grew wider as Tetra's cheeks tinted slightly.

Kat reached up out of the barrel and slapped tetra's boob and yelled "BREAST CANCER!" Tetra stepped back and yelled "launch!" And then Kat and TL were launched up into the air only to crash into the wall three fricken feet away from the window causing TL's sword to go flying. The problem was that TL and the wall had made a nice Kat sammywich. And then, they fell into the water, Kat and TL swam up onto the shore.

Kat started wailing "OH AWFUL WAFFLE WALKER, HAVE MERCY UPON MY SOUL!" Aloud booming voice came from above "HELL NAW! WE GONNA RUN YOU OVER BE-YATCH!" Kat's face was stark white. "Fffffff*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*k" TL stood and looked around "uh….. This place is creepy"

Kat looked at him and said "You think the place is creepy, just wait till you see the owner" and off they headed on the most epic adventure ever! Full of thong wearing bokoboblins and pig things with lanterns of doom! The screen freezes and out walks a girl with brown hair and brown eyes, wearing glasses and a lab coat "Hello everyone, My name is Miranda and I'll be your favorite person from now on" the girl coughs into her hand and mumbles something about 'stupid producers' "now, let's see. Ah yes, wait….what was I talking about? Oh yes _that_. Beyond this point are very…um _mature_ comments, and pedo bear in Ganondorf form. That is all, and thanks for your cooperation" The screen unfreezes.

Kat blinks "what the hell was that!" TL just stands there and then notices something "wait…. When'd we get here?" Kat looked around; they were in a jail cell. "Da fook?"

TL starts looking around "how do we get out of here?" Kat flopped down and started to pick at her nails (they were getting quite long mind you) "I unno, but I think I broke the fourth wall" TL just stared at her "the what!" Kat blinked "wot? Never heard of the fourth wall before? It's what tells us there's a reality beyond this one I guess. But seeing as Harry-fucking-Potter is right over there" she points to a corner where Harry is being emo "might be an indication that I broke it,"

TL at this point, looked like he was about to explode. Kat sighed "Kid, I'd help ya, you know I would but... I forget what happens next" she grinned sheepishly. TL blinked and a blushed formed on his face. "OOH MONEYS!" he shouted once he saw the vase on the shelf, and dived for it. The vase broke and there sat a hole in the wall. "i found a way out!" he practically screamed.

Kat sighed with relief "oh thank god, I thought that the author would get frustrated and turn me into a Mary-sue again" the two crawled through the hole and hopped out on the other side. "ALRIGHT! WHO'S READY TO KILL SOME SHIT!" Kat screamed. TL looked over at her " but I lost my sword when we hit that wall, remember?" "FUCK!"

(several hours later)

Kat and TL found themselves in a room with a ramp going all around it and a large cell. Inside the cell were three girls. The youngest one looked up "big brother!" TL smiled. Kat looked at the young girl and she smiled as well. That's when big bird came and abducted them. "BROTHER!" The ones in the clutches of big bird both screamed as they were carried to the top of the fortress. Kat went pale when she saw the man standing there. TL just glared at him. Then he turned around and saw the two kids. The man smirked in a very pedo-ish smirk "ah Kat... so lovely to see you after so long, I've missed you. Now that infernal creation of mine isn't in my way. But alas, I'll have to wait." then with a flick of his hand, the bird then tossed the two out into the sea. As the two floated there in unconsciousness a mysterious boat (somehow) put the two in the protection of its body and drifted off.

(when they wake up)

"hey... wake up...Hey! Wake up you lazy children!" Kat sat up right away "Mommy I'm awake! Please don't get the kounais!" whereas TL just slowly woke up as if he didn't just get abruptly waken by an unfamiliar voice. The two finally looked and saw the talking lion head. There was much girly screaming on both parts. "SHUT UP!" TL flinched and Kat just blinked.

The about seemed to scowl at the two before clearing his throat and starting his speech. "hrmpf, yes...well. As you can tell, I am a boat, a talking boat. Now, I admire both of you for your bravery, but the forsaken fortress is by far your superior," Kat opened her mouth to argue but thought better of it and shut her mouth. "the man you two saw... his name is Ganondorf" Kat flinched at the name and TL just gasped. The boat looked at Kat "you know this man?" Kat nodded "I knew 'im, before I woke up here, he always tried to get me to...well. Let's just say, he's a darker looking form of Pedo-Bear,"

The boat seemed to raise and eyebrow then cleared his throat " well anyways, I'm the king of red lions. I brought you here, and we need to continue on to other places, but alas, oh I'm embarrassed to say this but... I have no sail. So I need you to go up onto this island and find one for me, along with other things you may need"

Kat stood and looked over at TL "well link, ready to go?" her voice was soft for once. Link just looked up at her surprised and just dumbly nodded. And with that, the duo made their way up onto the island.


End file.
